If you interact with people who have different cultural influences to your own, you will probably find this model useful.
I grew up in Australia, but Iāve lived much of my adult life as a expat. Iām currently based in the US. In my circles back in Australia there is more of a guessing culture, whereas Iāve met a lot more Askers here. Iāll admit Iāve been unsettled at times by having big things asked of me! My assumption was that the āaskā came bound with an expectation to say yes - but Iāve just realized that is not necessarily the case.
And on reflection, I think that being an Asker might be better for everyone. I begrudgingly admit that I find
Jon Chaitās view somewhat compelling:
Guessers are wrong, and Askers are right. Asking is how you actually determine what the Asker wants and the giver is willing to receive. Guessing culture is a recipe for frustration.
Whatās more, Guessers, who are usually trying to be nice and are holding themselves to a higher level of politeness, ruin things for the rest of us. Iām not a super hospitable guy, but I frequently find myself offering things to other people that IādĀ likeĀ them to take ā say, leave their kids at my house to play with my kids ā but they refuse to take because they think Iām a Guesser, offering hospitality I secretly hope will be turned down. Guessers are what forces people with poor social discernment, like me, to regard all kinds of interactions as a minefield of awkwardness.
What do you think?