Mental Models Weekly

By Julia Clavien

Mental Models - Issue #48 - Expectations vs. Agreements 🤝

#48・ Oct 9, 2021

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Mental Models - Issue #48 - Expectations vs. Agreements 🤝

By Julia Clavien • Issue #48 • View online

This model follows on very nicely from last week, is short and sweet, but still packs a punch.

What are expectations and what are agreements?

Coach Steve Chandler had this to say:

You have two choices in your relationships with others. You can have relationships based on expectations or relationships based on agreements.

Expectations are cowardly and self-defeating. They are cowardly because by expecting things of others, I place all responsibility outside myself. I expect my co-worker to do his job right, I expect my family member to behave a certain way, and the list goes on. When I am unhappy it’s because of them. Expectations lead to disappointments. It’s a miserable life expecting so much of others and suffering so much disappointment and betrayal.

Agreements are courageous and creative. They honor the other person. They are coauthored between two composers of the agreement. People give their word and keep it.

Why is this interesting?

I think we might all save a lot of personal and professional disappointment if we can drop some of the unrealistic or un-communicated expectations! Making agreements works better for everyone.

Steve Chandler deserves the last word with this:

People honor agreements to a far greater degree than they live up to expectations. They feel stressed when their head is full of expectations of them. They feel pressure and resentment. They rebel. (Ever notice? Do you have children? Employees?) But create a good agreement? Both sides win.